Sunday, January 15, 2006

The boy

Went shopping with my mom and Liam today. Yes, we had him again. I am not really sure why, but we'll go with it.

Anyway, we were sitting on a bench while my mom checked out. It was a long wait, because two gentlemen in front of us found the self-check extremely challenging. What I don't get is why people with no discernable computer skills attempt this. There are professionals who can help you, old people!

Anyway, it's funny how free people feel to come up to you and talk to you when you have a baby with you. I don't usually correct people when they assume he's mine, because really, what's the difference? But what really amazes me is how people say how big he is. Yes, he's fat, but he's a baby, and he's 3 inches off the charts in height. So he looks older than 7 months. Also, it's usually older people, who, I'm sorry, don't have the frame of reference anymore. Whatever grandma. Yes, he's well fed. He sleeps through the night, since the first day he came home from the hospital, too. And he's really bright. I don't care if he does wear size 18 months clothes!

Which he does, cause damn that kid is fahhhht! See, I'm allowed to say that. You, old lady in the supermarket, are not.


ursie said...

first off: your sister sucks for stealing the name.

that aside- welcome to open season on you. you have a baby therefore you must talk to everyone in the fifty foot radius,
double that if the baby is very cute.
triple it if there is something to comment on that will annoy the mother such as: wow, he is fat, huh. maybe you shouldnt feed hm so much, did you start him on solids? you should have waited. hope he doesnt grow up a chunker. is his dad fat too? is that healthy? did you talk to the doctor about that? or you could have had my problem- she is how old? wow, she is so small... do you feed her? why dont you give her a bottle? dont you think you should give her a bottle every time she wants it? why breastfeed it doesnt seem to be working. maybe you should give her some cereal. how about a bottle? nipple confusion is a myth, give her a bottle. are you sure your milk is ok? is she alright? give her a bottle. look people, she is petite, get it?

and just so you know... your liam wears bigger clothing than luxe does most days.

doe he look like you? if not this is such a fun opprotunity. when people ask who he looks like say- his daddy...just dont tell my husband.

tip to try when in uncomfortable surprise talking to baby situation: casually start to lift up your shirt and explain the baby needs to feed again, you are on a tight schedule. they will all scurry away like vampires about to be hit with the sunlight. most of them disguested, but hey- you said you dont care if they think hhe is yours. why not have some fun with it. does baby want some boobie? yes! baby needs boobie, loves mommy's boobies! say boobie! boobie! here comes the bobboie train, choo choo! open wide!

i am beginning to see that i am a aggervated (and off in the head) mother that has been home with sick kids a bit too long right now, hrm. oh, and i cannot stand the tormenting unasked for advice moms get acosted with on the streets every day.
and while i am at it i hate punctuation we should forget that idea all together. square.

Mikey said...

Nothing like unsolicited advice about the kids. And I thought it only happened to me, cuz I'm a man. And a man with small kids is a definite target. The big assumption is that a man can't hardly take care of kids, so he's gonna need some advice. Hey I was raised by wolves, I survived! What's with the advice? How the hell has the human race survivied this long anyway?
The boob trick sounds like a winner to chase them away. I wish I could use that one. Maybe I'll try it next time, really freak 'em out.