Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Art nerds, unite!!

So I survived my first official College Art Association Conference. I didn't meet any famous people, but I did get to hear quite a few of em speak. YAY! I heard Mary Garrard and Norma Broude give talks at one session, Anna Chave at another. I heard about the Afterlife of Jackson Pollock (summary- he rocked and the last word has DEFINITELY not been written about him yet, the paintings that were found of his are probably authentic, and his choice of media is staggeringly normal). I heard about Minimalism (only part that really sticks out is the pilgrimmage-like nature of its exhibitions and it's ephasis on ethereal language). I heard about Cezanne and about bringing the feminism to non-women-centered topics.

I saw a very old art nerd guy almost lose it when his slides jammed.I saw a lot of TERRIBLE quality slides. now, I may be an image quality snob because of my job, but seriously. Very Prominent Scholars should not ever show crooked ass slides! And there should definitely be a course called Powerpoint for Artnerds. Because Jesus Christ, people, show me the image, not a stupid ass template that is all sorts of cheesy and have the actual image be thiiiiis big on the screen. Also, don't lie to me and tell me the color is off because there are so many projectors being used on miles of extension cords. Bull shit, Louise!

And by the way, do you know what I do? I am the Digital Media Intern. Sounds fancy pants, doesn't it? I help to create the digital slide collection at my fair school, but I mostly just fart around in filemaker pro and surf lotsa internet. I can also shoot if the spirit moves me, and tomorrow I won't be doing jack but studying for my LAST! MIDTERM! EVAH!!

I'm almost to the end of the internet, by the way. send me pages, I get bored easily!

And I've come to a conclusion about how to differentiate between the artists and the nerds in a crowd like that at CAA. Shoes. Apparently, art nerds only wear ugly shoes. This is not to say that artists don't, but it's all about the intention. I think the artists are purposely being different, but the nerds, well, they just kind of don't get it.

But don't expect me to give in to that, no sireee!! Cute shoes, they must be mine! But I like to toe the line between artist and art nerd. Artist in the summer, nerd in the winter. Ad cute shoes wearer, the whole year long, baby!

Monday, February 20, 2006

And then, evidently, not for another week or so...

yeah, I have no excuse for my absense. I am sorry though. I could lie and say that I was hesitant to sign off on my 70th entry, erasing the sophomorically funny 69 on my hit count. That might not be the truth though...

I must say in my defense that I've mentally written a few entries. One details the strange phenomenon by which a person thinks that I am weird and in response, I start to act. really. weird. This person is in school with me, and I'm not so sure why she thinks I'm wierd. She's never even read my thesis, or this blog!! And dude, she's from Kansas, she don't know from weird!!

Another was an update on my cousin. I forget which pseudonym I used for him, damn! Anyway, he's still, erm, free. Nothing came of my aunt lying to his shrink and saying that she heard him threatening someone. I so agree with Teacher lady, who suggested that the wrong person would be institutionalized in that situation. *check out her blog, especially the hilarious account of grandparents at midterms! LOVE!!!*

Anyhow, I am sorry that I have not updated. Not to you, really, my four or five faithful. But sorry to myself, maybe, for being lazy and crappy. Will do better!

But starting Wednesday, I am going to Boston for the college art association annual conference. A great big enclave of art nerds! I'll be in heaven! Also, I may die if I actually meet anyone famous. Which was another tale that is all composed...up here. When I met the painter on whom I am writing my thesis and TOTALLY FUCKING CHOKED. Now she has a reason to think that I am weird.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Because everyone updates on Mondays!

I know, I'm still not great at the whole updating regularly thing. Sorry. But things are Busy! and Crazy! With an emphasis on the crazy.

Okay, here's the part where Lauren admits to being from a totally fucked up extended family and further confirms the white-trash roots that the whole art nerdery are just a ruse, a RUUUUSE intended to hide the roots, the ROOOOOTS.

Anyway. My cousin, for the purposes of this story let's call him Charles, he is crazy. Like agitated, diagnosed by amatuer psychiatrist/art nerd me as bipolar. He dreams very big. for example, he has two inventions in the works right now. But he's just annoying nuts, not the rip the heads off small animals, eating children kind of nuts. Anyway, my aunt, who is nuts as well, has decided to have him committed.

The problem? That he's not THAT KIND OF CRAZY. He is annoying, for sure. He gets very agitated and talks and talks and talks. He stutters and yells and screams, he runs his mouth like no one else. But really, he isn't the sort of crazy that he needs to be committed. Now, I've looked into it, and he doesn't meet any of the criteria. He hasn't threatened himself or anyone else, as I said, not that kind of crazy. Also, my aunt? I am 100% convinced that she killed my mom-mom. (That is a story for another day, but it involves one sick mom-mom in hospice care for lung cancer and more than one shot of morphine and sleeping pills.) It should also be noted that the story is at least a third-hand account of my aunt's side of the story.

My mom tells me this, and in turn, I tell Kev. Both of our reactions contained a lot of false-start sentences, But? wha? how? huh? And my mom is upset because, without getting into it too much, Charles used to be a cop and was fired and has some sort of civil suit against them or something, and my mom thinks that the cops have it in for him. I think all that was a long time ago, and the cops who would theoretically take him to a hospital if he magically fit any sort of criteria for an involutary committment, which of course, he doesn't, but if he did, well then the cops would be extra rough with him and hurt him or something.

But this is all beside the point, because you can't commit someone for being annoying!! And can I just say that this aunt has tried this before, when my other cousin, her daughter dated a black guy?! Yes, she thought that the fact that her daughter was dating someone not of her race was grounds for her committment! THE HELL?

Yes, people, welcome to my life. I have precious little culture in my life, and it was all learned in school. I feel like I should point out that my own family, my nuclear family, my mom, dad and sister, are quite normal. Kev and his side, even moreso. And this says nothing of the cousin who is 40 and has to hide the fact that he lives with his girlfriend, the one who doesn't work, boyfriend doesn't work, and somehow still owns a house, or the one who is shockingly normal just with kinda bratty kids.

Oh that's right, people. The floodgates have opened, you will now hear about the trashiness that is my extended family. Sit back on the sofa on your porch and grab a beer from the outdoor refrigerator. This'll be better than NASCAR!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Kanye H Christ!

So I love love love Kanye West. His songs are pretty good. But what I really like about him is his ability to piss people off.

This is my new favorite website, found through the blog of Teacher Lady (see sidebar). She's awesome, but Jesus of the Week is just... brilliant!! sidenote- Jesus of the moment, click to resurrect?! Oh hell yeah!

Anyway, back to Kanye. I don't get why people are so offended by him. Is it that he seems to honestly think he has more in common with the big JC than most people? Cause I find the messianic posturing of the jerk off from Creed to be much more distasteful. (have to give credit where credit is due, except that I forget who said this first). Anyway, Creed guy = supreme douchebag. Kanye, of course, has an ego the size of a continent, but, dude, hello? so does Bono.

I have a feeling people think that the cover of Rolling Stone is derogatory in some way. Maybe it is. But why is that forbidden? I know, I know, I'm not naive, but why can't people try to not immediately get their backs up when a religious image is used.

Andres Serrano's Piss Christ is a pretty image till you know it's all submerged in piss and whatnot. (But that got all messy because the general God-fearing public didn't want their tax dollars being spent on sacriledge) And Chris Ofili's Holy Virgin Mary, famously called the Dung Painting involved public funds, too (the awfully Fascist sounding attempt by Rudy Giuliani to withdraw said funds from the Brooklyn museum, to be specific). But the dung is the least offensive part of the painting. I wonder why no one mentioned all the floating naughty bits or the fact that the Virgin is wearing a Lil Kim inspired outfit. The hell? Oh, those little round things that the painting is resting on? Thar's the poo! And a little bit on the painting. Oh, and the whole show it was part of (Sensation, a show of the collection of British rich dude and patron of the arts Charles Saatchi) was quite provocative.

I know, short digression into my own geeky world, but it's relevant, in some way, I promise. All I'm saying is, why are religious images special? Why can't Kanye identify himself with Christ, he ain't hurting anyone! Why all the annoyance? I think God has a sense of humor. I also think that Kanye has a humongous ego, but hell, I wish I had that kind of confidence in myself. He's an interesting guy, and because he pointed out, uh, the TRUTH on the Hurricane Katrina TV thingy, he's criticized as being a jerk. I say let him play Jesus on the cover of Rolling Stone. Whatever! Why all the judging?