Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Baby Zoo

I have a nephew. His name is Liam, and he is 7 months old. He's super cute, even when he's teething. He has three teeth already. How do I know this, you may ask? Well, yesterday, when I was watching him, he bit me. Well, okay, it was my fault. I was feeding him bananas on my finger. What, I'm not that much of an idiot that I'd feed him a whole banana! So I got some mush on my finger and gave that to him. Monkey-man, he ate it up! But he also bit me, and pinched me. I screamed a little. Okay, I screamed a lot. And he cried. That I don't get, he knows he bit me. And here I am comforting him!!

I can't wait till he's a little older, so we can go to the zoo. I don't particularly like the zoo, I mean, I get a little sad for the animals. Though maybe there are some animals who are better off in West Philadelphia than in the wild. Still though.

The zoo is a weird place. No straws? Uh, that's just strange. Kev and I bring our own straws. Don't worry, we don't then give them to the monkeys or the naked mole rats. I have a naked mole rat, a stuffed animal one, on the sofa. I could have been Kim Possible this year for Halloween, if I had planned ahead. I digress.

Back to the zoo. Once, while Kev and I and some friends visited the zoo, we toured the small mammals house. I was paused at the doorway, reading a sign, when SMACK! a little bird flew right into the glass. Boom, dead. Well, we told a maintenance man. Kev later reflected that he half-thought they'd come out with a little tiny stretcher and take the poor birdy to the hospital. Nothing of the sort happened. The maintenance guy unceremoniously swept the bird up with his dustpan and broom! No birdy ER, I guess that's only for the exotic birds. Gah!

That same day, we saw two varieties of primates mating, which, ew! And some boy ducks gang-banging a girl duck. Nasty! No means no!

Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't take Liam to the zoo. I think I'm still too traumatized from the last time!

2 comments:

ANDREW M. said...

you'll find more sex at the zoo than you will in any sticky-floored porno shop along market street (there's only one or two, but still...) my fav are the tortises (spell?) not only are they always going at it, and going at it slowly, but the nosies the male males are blood-curdling. like a rhino fucking an elephant being crushed by a dumptruck. my fav part is when the little old zoo lady with the push broom comes out and spoils the mood with a few quick probs from the broom handle. too much...

Art Nerd Lauren said...

The tortoise sounds like this:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!