First Lecture

Gave my very first lecture today. Guess which of the following happened-
a. I got soap on my shirt before my lecture. This also happened before the first class
b. Got a little tongue-tied
c. My voice became froggy
d. I tripped over a length of cord
e. I made this image comparison:


f. Reminded students that I grade their exams and projects- it would behoove them to laugh at my jokes
g. Totally fell in love with teaching. Until someone falls asleep that is!

If you answered all of the above, you are correct. And creative, because it wasn't even a choice! I think I like my new job. I mean, I'll be better when I can talk about the Greeks and Romans. There isn't a whole lot to say about Paleo- and Neolithic art. Not enough to fill up an hour and fifteen minutes, anyhow. Oh man, gob help the students when I get to Rome, though!

happy happy happy

Professor Nerd if you're nasty!

Okay, so here you go, a photo of me on my ver first day. Do I look official? And, Heatheradair can you tell that a boy took the special shot of my shoes for you? Dorkus, you can't even see the fun cork wedges. And my feet are, in real life, really small for my height- why do they look ginormous here?

Anyway, I may have forgotten to share, but I came up with an idea for the last page of my syllabus. I asked the students to fill out some standard questions, and then had them sign a sort of contract. It states that they've reviewed the syllabus and are aware of their responsibilities, policies pertaining to them, etc. Steal my idea if you want, I don't mind!

One of the questions asked them their class status. Uh, there are 9 students in my first section, and most of them are sophomores (1 transfer, one freshman).

THEY ALL SPELLED SOPHOMORE WRONG. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

There were a few sophomores in the second section, and some of them spelled it right. But in a class of 9, there's nowhere to hide.

And we're off!! Let the academic silliness begin!

T minus 10 hours...

Have you ever been nervous because you aren't nervous enough? It's not to say that I'm not at all nervous. But I'm not, like, freaking out about tomorrow. Yet. Probably as my head hits the pillow, it'll come over me.

The same thing happened on my wedding day. I was so calm and collected. I even forgot to print out copies of the readings, because I was sitting and gabbing with my bridesmaids. That is, until I got to the back of the church with my dad and the flower girls. Then, this happened...



I hope I don't look this scared tomorrow. I was one hundred percent sure that I was doing the right thing by marrying Kev. This whole teaching tomorrow's leaders thing, who knows?

It's all the Coco Krispies' fault!

Ladies and gentlemen, my ass is dragging today. I woke up late for work, but somehow managed to stop to fill up my monster rental car's tank (jeebus, 50 bucks, and I got the damn thing with 3/4 of a tank! On Monday! And I didn't go anywhere!) I got into work about 10 minute later than normal.

However, the fog that I woke up in made me make a terrible choice for breakfast. Coco Krispies. Because I am eight and I like cavities, okay? I think my blood sugar must have bottomed out, because it's only 12:15 and I am ready for bed.

It could also be that I stayed up late last night to catch the first hour of a festering turd of a movie. Mona Lisa Smile, have you seen it? I mean, strike one is the presence of the always lackluster, completely insipid Kirsten Dunst. I've hated her since I saw her on Teen Celebrity Jeopardy quite a few years ago. She is dumb as a bag of hair, y'all. Strike two was the cheesy plot- art history professor changes the face of Wellsley, in some weird way. I dunno, predicable much? And strike three was the resultant nightmare I had, in which I got to my first class of Architecture and the students knew more than me. Eff you and your thousands of sparkly teeth, Julia Roberts.

I wanted to like this movie. It let me down, big time. I'd seen the end before, but was interested to see if the crappy ending had a mitigating first half. I guess I don't have to tell you it didn't. And it's not that I have very high standards for movies, it's just that I don't want to be preached at, even with a message I agree with. And also, that Pollock was SO FAKE. Yes, you can tell. ew.

But Maggie Gyllenhaal- might have a bit of a girlcrush on her. A double header of that and Frida, starring the woman I'd definitely turn lesbian for, might be a special and magical night.

I can't wait to get home. Kev needs to take a picture of me, because today, I am dressed as the quintessential art history professor. I look silly, and feel the need to share it with y'all. Till then!

No, not dead! Just lazy!

Man, I wish I could say that I was busy writing lectures and syllabi, etc etc, and that's why I haven't written. The truth, though? Block. I hate it, but there it is. I haven't felt much like writing the last week or so.

But! Let's remedy this right now. I'll tell a story. A story about a rental car, and a dream crushed.

I am covered for most of the cost of a rental car for the time that my own baby is in the shop. The guy from Enterprise picked me up from the shop on Monday in the CRAPPIEST car ever. It was dirty, polleny and completely covered in bird shit. And it was beyond micro- a Kia Spectra. Shudder.

When we got back to the place, and I was signing my life over, the kid asked if I wanted an upgrade- to a Jeep Liberty. uh, yeah! So yay, for the same price I got this gigantic tank of a car, and it's super souped up. I left the moonroof thingy on vent today so it's not too hot. Leather seats get pretty hot sitting in the parking lot.

Anyway, while I was waiting, the guy and I were chit chatting. He asked if I have to go back to work. Yes, I do, I'm out at XXX school of art. Oh, he says, part of blank University, right? Yes. Then, get this, he says:

DO YOU TEACH THERE?

sniff. sniff sniff sniffle.

I have been psyching myself up all summer, thinking that the students won't know I'm the professor when I walk in. And this jerkweed guesses right away?

booo hooo!!

*stomps foot, pouts*

All was righted when the Slide Librarian mistook me for a student (an undergrad at that!) at the school where I'll be teaching.

Starting Monday.

Be prepared for freakouts, and some amusing Teacher Lady -esque stories.

You've been warned.

The trifecta is complete

As you all know, I crashed my car Wednesday. On Friday, on the way home from work, I got a call from Kev. Rarrrr, the car won't start, blahhhh.

Shit! Two cars in one week, surely ye jest? No, it's true. But, thanks gob, the problem was not nearly as bad as the one I imagined as I sat, overreacting, at the dinner table. But an aside to any mechanics/tow-truck drivers- you might not want to ask a sissy girl like me to "put your finger here, I'm going to start the car up. Lemme know if you feel anything."

HUH? I'm sorry, What? Have you lost your mind? This girl, she worked for 10 years at a deli and never once touched a slicer. She's just that clumsy/non-mechanical/accident-prone.

But I did it. And a stupid wire came loose, and it cost like 38 bucks to fix. Score!

So, that's two things that I own and operate that went kerflooey this week. Partied this weekend with the BIL and his new wife, them of the Kansas wedding. Big blowout in which my mom played beer pong, and WON! Weird.

Came into work this morning, and am greeted with, "what'd ya do the computer?"

Uh-oh. I didn't do anything, of course, but I was the last to use it. Because I was alone, all aloooone last week. They come back with tans, I have a busted up car, a barely-still-running car, and now, one effed up work computer. And really pale skin, let's not forget that. With the remnants of 3 pimples from putting sunscreen on my face. Be ye not so stupid- buy something specifically for your face if you don't want Edgar the monster cyst chillin on your cheek for a while.

Now we're down to 2 computers for the three of us. Something about system logic? I don't know.

Isn't school starting in, like, 2 weeks? NO FAIR! I am officially pissed because we had no fun vacation. Is it too late to go away now? And, anyone have a sofa we could crash on?

MMMM.. Spaghetti

Have you ever noticed that when you bring lunch to work, you're exceptionally hungry at, say 11:16 am? Oh my gob, I'm so hungry. Must.. hang... on... till noon!

Just so you know, when you google for images with the word Spaghetti, there are two photos of chicks eating spaghetti in bathtubs on the front page. Must know more...

Crash-Boom

Had a rather eventful ride home from work yesterday. I hit someone from behind. And boy do I feel stupid. My car looks ucky, though apparently I'm working on an old computer that doesn't have bluetooth, hence no photos till I get home.

But! I'm fine, the lady I hit (who, strangely enough, I used to work with at the deli) is fine. Her bumper is wonky, my front end looks like hell. Didn't even squish a bug.

So why am I still crying?

I really do think that the accident was unavoidable. There is a road, a busy one, with a curve in it. And as I was (Slowly, breaking for the light anyhow) coming around it, I heard Squeel! EEEERRRRRR! There was a car stopped, but two cop cars and a police tow truck (do you think that means that they stopped this person? There? Where there is no shoulder? I'm not sure, but the cop was awfully apologetic. hmmm.) So pretty much what happened was, car 2 in front of me stopped really short. Lady I hit swerved to miss him. I couldn't swerve to miss her, or I'd be in oncoming traffic.

I don't think I could have done anything differently. I'm not scared by what could have happened or upset that I hit someone I know. In fact, I'm a little glad that it was someone I know, not some psycho who'd get out of the car and start fighting me.

Why do I have the hives? Why are my shingles coming up again?

I think it's because I feel really. really. stupid. And dumb. And not smart.

And I 'm freaking out about insurance, too. Remember, I got a ticket, and my insurance hasn't gone up yet. What if it's crippling for me to continue driving? While it'll be good- Kev gets the car, and I take the train?- I think it would be really hard, especially for my longer trek to class in the Spring.

Sigh. I'm really beating myself up about this. Intellectually, I know there are worse things. But I'm the good one! Damnit!

I should be writing lectures, but...

Instead, like a girl, I will worry instead about what to wear.

Specifically, to my female readers, what are some glaring omission in my working wardrobe? In terms of bottoms, I have

2 pair plain black pants
1 pair black striped pants
1 pair Khaki pants
1 pair tan pants with sage stripe
2 black skirts
1 denim pencil skirt
a few printed skirts, bold prints so I would only wear those once or twice a semester
1 pair denim pants - no back pocket, they're for wearing ONLY with long long shirts. Very bootylicious, these ones.

I have lots and lots of tops, sweaters, etc but am feeling a little sparse in the bottoms. Is two pair of black pants enough? I'm only lecturing 2 days a week, but I don't want to be stale, ya know?

Also, thoughts on capris? I start at the end of August, and though it could be cold in the classroom (I am in the library, after all) I am preparing myself to be hot. You know, what with the pacing and gesticulating wildly at the screen. I'm one of those very hyper, kinetic lecturers.

Anyway, just wondering what y'all thought a cute young art history professor might need in terms of wardrobe. I have a slightly hippy-ish skirt, but I'll be needing some scarves and brooches, and maybe a beaded string for my glasses. Oh, and glasses.

What say you, readers?

Morning Drive

Today I had a pretty uneventful ride to work. Well, I was late as hell, but that's really nothing new. But I'm trying to be more observant about my world, so let's explore the ride from my home to the Digital Resources Center. (oh, yeah, the sli li changed names. score!)

Up there is a picture of my new car. I love her, but she is not named yet. She may be Salma, named after the actress I'd go lesbian for, and because my 6 is sooo sexy. I think she has an accent.

Anyway

So I was listening to the radio (iPod is for the ride home, I listen to preston and steve in the morning). They were talking about... I dunno, something.

Passed my good friend Andrew before the boulevard, he must have been walking home from work. He works over nights, because his wife is expecting their first baby. This way, he'll be able to have the baby during the day, and the wee one won't have to go to daycare. He's dedicated, that guy, and I love him!

Anyway, Andrew might want to know why I didn't say "Hi!" to him. It's not because I didn't try. I've made a discovery recently- I can't whistle under pressure. And I don't know why my first impulse is to whistle, but it is, and when I'm trying to get someone's attention from the car, I end up blowing raspberries at them, and it doesn't generally grab one's attention in the same way. Less, Hey, Lauren! More What the hell is wrong with that slobbering chick? Should she be driving?

Passed the lawn where, on the ride home yesterday, I say what appeared to be some sort of Wonder Woman parenting. I swear to gob, the mother lassoed her kid. Either that or he was on a leash, but the lasso seems less DYFS-y. Then on the same block I saw the tallest sunflowers ever. They were gorgeous, especially so close to a really crappy/scary neighborhood.

Then, in Dunkin Donuts, where I got an iced coffee and a bagel for lunch, I TOTALLY got busted looking in a one-way window (which, hello, those things never work!) by the manager. Ooops!

Now I'm sitting at my desk, there is absolutely no one here, and I'm bored. I have about a day's work to do this week, so expect many comments on all your blogs. I also challenge any lurkers to come out, because I am totally blasting through archives like crazy. Without my boss here, I don't even have to do a half-assed job of covering my internet abuse.

Let the slacking begin!

Happy Mood

In honor of my very determined happiness, I give you a smallish list of things that rock my world, right now

1. Am loving using my iPod in the car. My aunts bought it for me for my graduation, and it sat in the box for a month. I came to realize that there aren't too many situations in which I can or will wear earphones. Added the iTrip, and oh my baby Jesus, what a difference. Now I can listen to the most awesome radio station in the world- my own! What other station would play, in this order-
Billy Jean- michael jackson
I'm Lonely, But I Ain't That Lonely Yet- the white stripes
If It Feels Good, Do It- sloan
Pour Some Sugar on Me- def leppard (in which I hear the phrase "sweet to taste, saccharine" as "sack of beans", Miss Teacher Lady
And the list keeps going! On the way home from work I heard the Police, Se7en Heads (my husb's band), the Allman Brothers and the Apples in Stereo. Fun!

2. the words diptych, triptych and polyptych (I'm working on a Renaissance project, and it comes up a lot)

3. My nephew, who has just in the past few days taken to singing his name whenever he's not saying something else. Liiiiiam, Liiiiiam.

4. My new haircut and highlights, which I got done by Kev's cousin's wife (My cousin-in-law?). NOT ONLY is it super cute, it only cost 30 bucks for both!! Loves her!

5. Pizza Hut just opened up a block and a half away. Not that I'm a huge fan of their frozen pizzas, but hello, BREADSTICKS! I hear the same shopping center place might be home to a Coldstone Creamery. If so, look out, I'll be morbidly obese by the end of the year. mmmm.... ice cream....

And there you have it. Please, link away if you have suggestions for music, food, words or general entertainment for me. I live for change these days.

Can I Help You?

A few weeks ago, a girl came up to me in the hallway at work. She asked me if I knew where "the art show" was. Well, dear, this is an art school, perhaps more specifics?

her- I am looking for an art show, and the girl named Cassie
me- well, which building is it in?
her- I don't know
me- ...?
her- I'm looking for Cassie and her art show and she's taking a summer class and-
me- Um, there's something happening upstairs in the gallery, is that it?
her- I don't know
me- (pause) Um, well, I would go look around up there, that's the only art show opening I've seen all day.
her- heaves heavy sigh.
me- um, you're welcome, bye?
she- flounces off

Since when are people rude to others who are TRYING to help them with what LITTLE information they give? If you don't know where you're going, I certainly can't help you.

It happened again yesterday on my campus. A girl asked me where room 8-something-something is. Um? The doors definitely go in order, der. I asked which department she's looking for- econ or Art History. She doesn't know. I tried to point her in the right direction, but she walked the opposite way. Saw her again a minute or two later, and I say

me- I think it's over in that direction, the numbers are leading this way..
her- yeah, I just came from there.
me- This is a really complicated building, with the annex and the half floors and whatnot.
her- Yeah, seems to me

Like, implying that I'm an idiot!

What is this world coming to, where those who start off on a journey without knowing its destination get huffy with me for going by the information that they were able to provide me with!!! THE HELL!!

Back to regularly scheduled programming

Sticking to what I do best now, which is not so much cinema based as it is being a general spaz.

1. I no longer have shingles, except when I'm hot, which, hello? I call it my mood rash
2. I am currently in possession of my second advisor's copy of her paper that she's writing on my artist (yes, I wrote my MA thesis on her, she's mine!). Wow! And? It makes me feel better that she also writes something is strongly doing something in strong colors. I am not that bad of a writer!
3. But! She wants criticism. Is this possible? Is it cool? I don't know what to do, help me Obi Wan Kenobe, you're my only hope!!
4. I have realized that I want a baby. Likerightnowgoddamnit! But that is another entry altogether.
5. This may change, because I may be watching my nephew two days a week. The days I'm supposed to be studying for my exams. Am trying to negotiate gym dues as my payment.
6. Because I feel like a moose, especially in this heat, and MAYBE I'll try to externalize stress instead of giving myself exotic old people diseases instead. Hrm.

That is all. Sorry it's not too flowy, but fuck narrative, too hot. ick