lucy 014a

lucy 014a
Originally uploaded by Art Nerd Lauren.

Oh hi. Guess what? I had a baby!

Meet Lucy Anna P. She was born May 29 at 10:39 am after a good two hours of pushing and vacuum extraction, mmm. She weighed 8 lbs even, and was 21.5 inches long. She's incredibly long.

Oh, and beautiful, but I may be biased, right?

More soon, things have been hectic but are hopefully settling down a bit. Just wanted to say howdy, from Kev, Lucy, and me. Stay cool!

Allow me to introduce...

Behold! For I am no longer a blogspot devotee! I have my own domain, and I likes it!!

please come and visit at http://professorartnerd.com

YAY!

And lo, there was much rejoicing. And pretty-fying to be done. It's a work in progress, naturally, and I have to move all this stuff over, but it will be my summer project.

Along with studying for prelims and writing new, longer syllabi.

Same stuff, new website!

IcanHas

IcanHas
Originally uploaded by Art Nerd Lauren.

most wired campus, my ass. we still enter grades with number two pencils and bubblesheets!

Amazing what re-starting your router will do...

So I made this image a week ago, but was unable to sign in to my bloggity. But it's still relevant! Still up to my neck in grading, since I couldn't do much of it during this week, but that, my friends, is a story for later in the week. It involves a cortizone shot and my elbow, and that's all I'm gonna tell you.

Also! Coming soon! Stories directly involving students! From last semester, since it is my policy to not talk about students until I won't have to see them again!!

In short, I've been locked out, but am now back. Except that I haven't the time to write. See you soon

Quirky? Unprofessional? You decide

Many things happen to me in class that I can honestly say I've never had a professor do/say/have happen to them in class.

None of my profs have had their pants malfunction. They've had hideous clothes, but never broken clothes.

None of my profs have stopped a presentation because she or he had to pee. Although I did once have a prof run out, explaining she was "feeling ill" and return a half hour later. And kept teaching like nothing happened.

None have had their contact lens fall off their eye. Oh, but once my favorite prof had to wear her sunglasses because she forgot her indoor glasses. And remember that art history, like most fun things in life, happens in the dark. Hence the need for glasses and contacts in the first case.

Those last two happened to me in the last week. And my voice was cracking like Peter Brady in lecture this morning, where my contact jumped off my eye.

Maybe I'm too rough on myself, and that's something that wasn't apparent to me when beginning this post. These mishaps are typically Lauren, but similar things have happened in classes I've been in.

Hell, I've never been drunk in class, at least! (painting prof got a lil tipsy at the gallery opening on campus and came back to class rosy-cheeked)

Let's hear some stories of professors behaving humanly, everyone!

An Open Letter to my Body

Dear Right Arm,

I'm sorry to have to do this, but you're so fired. You suck! You have been nothing but problematic since I reached puberty. (This part sounds dirty- just keep listening)

First, when I was in high school, the wrist crapped out on me. Starting gymnastics when you've hit 5' 8" evidently puts certain... stresses on your joints. Being a head taller than your coach should have been some kind of indication.

I had surgery on you, which only kind of worked. I had a cast on you for approximately a whole year, on and off, for various sprains and fractures. And when there wasn't a stinky smelly cast on you, there was a stinky smelly (albeit washable) brace. I was known as the Girl with the Cast for a really long time.

The college years were pretty good. No real problems there, I have to admit. You gripped brushes and pencils, charcoal and conte crayons. You even held my bongs and lit my liters= I really can't get mad at you.

Then. Then I got the shingles. Twice. In less than a year. ON MY RIGHT ARM.

And now? What the fuck, arm- POSTHERPETIC NEURALGIA?! This is an old person's problem. And I have to take an anti-convulsant medication? Please.

I am so over this crap. You'll have to go. Buh bye.

What's your name, fool?

I was watching America's Next Top Model with my sister (what, you thought Art History profs only watch Masterpiece Theater, listen to classical and sip fine cognac? Yeah, I used to, as well, and I still hold that assumption about my profs. But I am given to the temptation of pretty bitches fighting and fawning over Tyra like the rest of us). And the girls were told to come up with a new name for themselves. And ridiculousness ensued.

Then I checked my email and sighed heavily. See, I've been having a problem, dear readers. I teach at the school I attend, as well as at another school. And at both places, my name is different. School with the Unfortunate Acronym lists me as my married name. Which is my name now, according to social security and all those places that make names official.

At my own school, I have some things in my married name. This includes my ID, my bill, my MA and my own roster. But for some inexplicable reason, my paycheck and my name as it appears on course schedules is my maiden name. I filled out a change-of-name request 2.5 years ago- obviously, my stupid ID is in the right name. And no one can tell me how to change my name on my students' rosters. I am trying to something without a set protocol!

Ugh. So not only are they unsure which title to use (Ms., Mrs., some give me the promotion to Dr.- not yet, my pets!) they also aren't sure what my last name is.

I find it helpful to kind of, well, I guess- talk to myself or about myself in class. A lot of students seemed to have forgotten my name halfway through last semester. So I make it a point when I'm lecturing to say things like, "And I know you're all thinking to yourselves, Prof. X done lost her mind!" or "But Professor X, didn't you say last semester that the Romans...?" Along those lines.

So imagine their surprise when they try to email me and can't find me in the campus directory. I have no idea if they've tried to mail me anything, because my mailbox says my maiden name. AGGRAVATION, bitches, aggravation.

On a side note- I am now sufficiently freaked out. They've asked me to open my summer session II class to grad students. And? The class is closed for undergrads. CLOSED. SUMMER SESSION II. JULY and part of AUGUST. Probably because I'm teaching about the figure in contemporary art- it's sexy, appeals to the art students, and hell, I'm cute!

But GRAD STUDENTS. I'm a grad student. It's only my third semester teaching, it's a three and a half hour class (omg!) and GRAD STUDENTS will be there. Scary. And exciting. At the same time.